It can be difficult to talk to our parents about their needs as they get older. We want to actively support them to the best of our ability, but we also don't want to give the impression that we are pressuring them. Here are some tips on how to start the conversation and help your parents when they need it.
It is difficult to watch your parents grow old. As they get older, everyday tasks can become increasingly difficult for them. For example, your mother may not be able to cook as much as she used to, and your father may have difficulty fetching the water bottles from the cellar.
As their children, we often feel the need to help them in their everyday lives. However, it is important to approach the subject carefully. Care and communication experts who advise family caregivers say that conversations about care are more likely to succeed if you broach the subject casually. This way, you avoid putting your parents on the defensive and instead open up a dialog about how they would like to be cared for in old age. Ultimately, it is important to respect your parents' wishes and work together to ensure that they remain healthy and happy in their golden years. This creates less pressure on their parents and ensures a more open dialog.
Striking the right note - lots of empathy without pressure
Nobody likes to think about their own weaknesses - not even your parents. Besides, you don't like being told what to do by your own child. How would you feel if your children suddenly turned up and said that everything had to be different?
Caring for elderly parents can be challenging, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like this. However, it is important to have the conversation at a specific time. The best time to have the conversation is when both parties are in a good mood and there is no rush.
The power of calm - creating a relaxed atmosphere for conversation
Quiet situations are good - for example when cooking, sharing a piece of cake or going for a long walk. This way, everyone can talk openly and honestly about their feelings. This is the only way to find a way that is good for everyone involved. Do not pressure your parents under any circumstances.
Active listening - recognizing parents' needs in good time
For those who don't live at home, it can be difficult to know what their parents' daily lives are really like. That's why it's important to listen carefully and read between the lines when talking to elderly parents.
Many older people refuse to talk about their problems because they don't want to burden their children. However, by simply asking how they are doing, you can show that you are interested in them and would like to know about their everyday life.
Sometimes just helping with housework or errands is enough to make a difference. So the next time you talk to your parents, really listen to them and think about whether there is anything you can do to help.
Coordinate with your siblings
Siblings are often the unsung heroes of caregiving. Whether you live near or far, you can be an invaluable support to your brother or sister who is caring for an ageing parent. Talk to your sibling about the situation and consider how you can help.
Perhaps one of you can take care of the doctor's appointments while the other deals with the correspondence. A WhatsApp group can help with the organization.
If you live far away, offer to come and visit and give your sibling a much-needed break. And have a sympathetic ear if they want to talk. Women without children in particular are often pressured into caring - so always make sure you find a fair solution that works for everyone involved. Siblings play an important role in caregiving, so be there for your brother or sister as best you can.
Integrating topics from the living environment into communication
The topic of nursing homes and retirement homes can be a difficult one for many seniors. The thought of having to move into such a home can be daunting and you often don't know how to broach the subject with your loved ones
However, it doesn't have to be difficult to talk about care homes. If you have a friend who has recently moved into an assisted living facility, why not go there for a coffee together?
This can help to allay any fears and familiarize parents with the situation before they are affected themselves. This is helpful for some parents.
If you approach the topic with empathy and understanding, you can make the conversation easier for everyone involved.
Don't take over yourself as a relative
Nurturing is often seen as a natural extension of the love and affection between parents and children. However, it is important to remember that caregiving is a choice and not something that should be undertaken out of a sense of obligation.
Caring for a mother and father is a difficult and demanding task for which not every child is suited. If you are considering caring for your parents, you should be sure that you really want to do so.
Caregiving can be an incredibly rewarding experience, but it's also important to be honest with yourself about your abilities. If you don't think you're up to the demands of caregiving, it's perfectly okay to say no. Your parents will understand, and they would rather have you in their lives as a daughter than as a caregiver or home help.
Relief for family caregivers through home helps
Domestic help, everyday companions and care services: there are many ways to get outside help. But older people often don't want strangers in their home. Many senior citizens are children of war and have had to learn that they are only safe when they are among themselves.
A home help can be a good way to get started with external care.
Domestic helpers can take on the following tasks:
- Household management
- Clean up
- Cleaning the apartment/house
- Washing, drying and ironing laundry
- Help with cooking
- Make the beds
- Waste disposal
Domestic helpers can be employed for a few hours a week or as required. The advantage of domestic help is that support is provided where it is needed. Individually and precisely tailored. It is also possible to choose a home help yourself, so that older people can have a good feeling when someone "foreign" is working in their own household. Many senior citizens and people in need of care are also entitled to a subsidy for domestic help. This means that domestic help can provide support at a low or even neutral cost.
Everyday companionship for senior care
Everyday companions, on the other hand, are the equivalent of home helps. They take over the caring part for senior citizens and people in need of care. Like home helps, everyday companions can also be paid via the so-called relief amount. This keeps the costs for senior citizens and people in need of care within manageable limits.
Everyday companions take on the following activities:
- Help with shopping
- Meal and menu planning
- Help with cooking
- Help with errands
- Support with official and administrative procedures
- Accompaniment during medical appointments
- Support with the independent organization of life
- Maintain hobbies
- Support with exercise (e.g. walks)
- Read aloud
- Brain teasers
- Caring for pets
- Caring for plants in the home
Certified home help and everyday companion
Professional and certified providers of domestic help and everyday companions offer a number of advantages. You can be sure that certified service providers only use trained staff. In addition to smooth planning, the agency for domestic help also takes care of all the formalities with the care funds and insurance providers. This gives you more time for the essentials - your life!
The relief amount cannot be formally settled directly by the home help agency with the care insurance fund. We invoice the person in need of care/insured person, who is then reimbursed for these costs by the care insurance fund (cost reimbursement). With a declaration of assignment, however, we can settle the service directly with the care insurance companies. We work together with you towards one goal - to organize the best possible life for you in your own four walls. If you need advice, please contact us using the contact form on the right or give us a call.
